Her new boyfriend lost his fortune (long story) & is tired of her. So she started coming out here (family ranch) after the money loss & the resulting move to cheaper quarters. She started coming out here & saying, this is my family, spending Mother’s Day with my husband’s mom & calling her Mom at least once in every sentence. Everyone I know has separate holidays after the parents remarry. His daughters are in their 30s. I can’t stand to go to these things. Of course, I know I should go & be gracious to the scheming females in his family – his daughters really want him to reconcile with their Mom. Even his Mother hopes he will.
I don’t think he should go to social events with his ex – I’d hope he would celebrate with his daughters on a separate day, with his wife (me.) And when they plan a nice get together for everyone at a restaurant, I would want it to be a different day. He goes to several get togethers at restaurants with his Mother, his ex and his daughters & it’s his complete family from the past. It would seem funny to could the times she calls her ex-mother-in-law Mom. Sometimes twice in one sentence. aaahhh It’s so obvious & unfair & I end up looking like the shrew.
We’re in our 50s & 60s & she doesn’t work. Falling back into this family is obviously her best option… I think most people celebrate holidays with their divorced and remarried parents on separate days so that everyone is comfortable.
I end up looking whiny when I relate to my husband that his professional singing daughter took a microphone & went up to each person (about 15) and sang a line or two. When she came to me – the last one – she turned her back and went over to the piano to finish. My throat was stinging from trying not to cry & sitting there with a fake Merry Christmas smile. I end up wondering who are these people & why am I here on Christmas?
I sure hope you have even opinions… any ideas. Thank you – I’m sorry this was so long!
I hear your situation and is scares the crap out of me.
My hubby’s ex will probably do this as she gets older. She and he are both about 50. I am in my 30s. His adult daughters can’t stand me and I ALSO can’t say anything anymore because I look like the bad guy.
I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry that you have had to put up with this. Not it isn’t fair and it isn’t right that your marriage is suffering because of his baggage. It sounds like you’ve been married quite a while. Me? Only a couple of months, but he was married for 25 years before he met me. I don’t think it will ever stop. Hearing a situation like yours might scare me into ending it.
I’m so very sorry. You deserve better.
You’re husband needs to stand up to his family or stop having so much communication with them. That he lets them treat you like that is shameful.
References :
I am so sorry that you are being treated this way. Almost anyone would have an issue with this, and feel sad and uncomfortable. In a way I feel that since he is not married to her anymore, he’s married to you-that now you are his family. And she is not. He should try to make you comfortable and not her. Since he has daugters with his ex I think he may be trying to soothe his ex wife (or not be rude to her) to please his daughters. In reality though allowing his ex to come to social events is only going to give them false hope. And it may be your insecurities talking, that you feel that his mom wants him and his ex get back together. If you want the daughters and mothers to think fondly of you then unfortunetly you might have to keep holding your tongue. Try to be as curtious as you can be to your mother-in-law. Show his daughters and mother that even if you are put into an uncomfortable situation that you will still act like a lady. It has got to be horrible though, I am sure.
Now with your husband though, it’s a different situation. He shouldn’t allow his wife to come around anymore to certain events like that. I mean once in a great great while, I guess maybe would be okay because of his daughters…but when people get divorced a lot of times there exs aren’t around. You do have to remember thought that he’s not with her anymore. There were reasons they divorced, and I am sure the reasons they aren’t together haven’t changed. I am sure he still feels that way about his ex and she feels the same about him. It didn’t work before, it wouldn’t work if they got together again. And he is not with her, he is with you. You may need to just talk to your husband, and calmly as possible, and just tell you that it hurts you so deeply when she’s around. It makes you feel like the Other Woman in a way and you are his wife! You understand that he has kids with her and that’s extremely important but it may be hard for your relationship to progress healthfully if she keeps coming around. I think that your husband cares about you though and I am sure loves you. It has nothing to do with you, it has to do with I am sure he doesn’t want to upset his daughters. But they seem like they should be old enough now to let their dad move on and them holding on to this dream of their parents getting back together isn’t healthly. If they really want their dad to be happy, they shouldn’t try to hurt his new realtionship. They might need to not be selfish and let their dad live his own life.
once again I would try to talk to your husband and let him know exactly how deeply it hurts you. And I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I hope I helped and good luck
References :
She is the mother of his children, so I feel it is her right to celebrate being a mother with her children if they want.
Unfortunatley for you, even though her and your husband didn’t work out, doesn’t necessarily mean that his family has to hate her. Of course his duaghters want a reconciliation… its their mom and dad for godsake! how can you not understand that?
The reality is that you married a man with kids and an ex wife… so you have to either accept the situation that you are the stepmom and you are obliged as his wife now to stand by HIM in these situations or you can continue being selfish and only concerned about you. These are NOT your children, so don’t demand they make a day just for you.
Thing is, him and her were married and had 2 children before YOU. So you are the outsider here, and if you want to demand a day for you, him and the girls then plan a day for it. But don’t demand that they take time away from their own mom for you.
References :
I feel you have been ganged up on tell your hubby how you feel. Sounds like a real mess.
References :
i think that you need to talk to your husband about what going on,
he has to put his foot down with her family, you should come first
as his wife and if the family cant handle that then that there problems.
References :
I feel SO sorry for you! Do you have any family you can escape to during these times? Your husband has to set boundaries, and make a life for the two of you and get away from the craziness!!!
References :
I feel sad for you that you’re hurting, yet it doesn’t sound like he’s doing anything cruel or wrong. It might hurt your feelings, but that whole family has a history together. Would it be possible to just be gracious at those times you’re all together?
As the ex-wife, I don’t in any way try to interject myself into my ex’s life – never call his house, etc. I actually don’t see him or speak with him except for when we have to go to court.
However, my in-laws love me and I them. They invite my child and me to their home, and still send me "wonderful daughter-in-law" cards, etc. (My ex is not there when we visit). I am aware that they don’t approve of his new wife nor invite her to their home. I’m not saying you’re a bad person, or that she’s a great person….just maybe some food for thought. There is so much baggage – why their marriage broke up, what kind of a wife & mother was she all those years, and how you ended up together with him.
Anyway, you can only come out looking good if you can manage to not complain and just be gracious!
References :
I hear your situation and is scares the crap out of me.
My hubby’s ex will probably do this as she gets older. She and he are both about 50. I am in my 30s. His adult daughters can’t stand me and I ALSO can’t say anything anymore because I look like the bad guy.
I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry that you have had to put up with this. Not it isn’t fair and it isn’t right that your marriage is suffering because of his baggage. It sounds like you’ve been married quite a while. Me? Only a couple of months, but he was married for 25 years before he met me. I don’t think it will ever stop. Hearing a situation like yours might scare me into ending it.
I’m so very sorry. You deserve better.
References :